Happiness & Love

To know better and just walk away Easier said, harder to do when I still think there’s hope For me and you Always hurts to never be put first If I’m last on your list, really what’s the worth? Keep me in fear asking you questions I don’t wanna hear the answers to Are you gonna crush my heart, cover me Cut me off, make your decision, boy Crush my heart, cover me Cut me off, make your decision Rock, paper, scissors Will it be rock, paper, scissors I don’t know what you’re feeling Will it be rock, paper, scissors Yeah yeah Someone should have told me I can’t compete With someone who is impossible to beat (I just don’t get it) Makes my heart beat but is killing me, Are the odds in my favor, don’t know Rock, paper, scissors Will it be rock, paper, scissors I don’t know what you’re feeling Lyrics to Melanie Fiona's song Rock Paper Scissors. Feels fitting for the situation with my last 'friend'. As much as I feel we could have something great, I won't know because I am not

A chance to get it right... I have battled with the desire to not do or deal with certain things while dating. The last time I was single was the summer to winter of 2009. I met my last ex in late November of that year. After ending a short re-cap of an old relationship with a college ex. After ending that I did my normal evaluation of the situation and what I should learn. I realized that I had stopped cherishing myself, especially my body. I decided that I would cherish myself more. Not having sex with a man until I was truly ready was a major part of that. The main way to accomplish this was to not put myself in situations where I would have the physical desire. I wanted the mental needs met first and foremost.  I was not happy with my sexual past. Not so much in who but why. I felt I did what others were doing or what seemed to be expected in the time frame of meeting a man to sex. I believe this behavior changed my view and even desire of sex. I wanted more from relationshi