Happiness & Love

I recently used some free time to clean out my email inbox. 6 years of communications that I felt were important enough to keep or overlook... I noticed a few things while reading old chats, emails, and pictures....  1) Some of my friendships have changed over the years. That makes me sad in a way but happy in others. I am happy to have a close group of female friends for years. 2) Seeing emails and conversations with exes was interesting. I totally know they were life lessons but really wonder how much have I learned from them.  I was in an unhealthy relationship situation for 2 years. Looking over the communications and BBM conversations... I see now he didn't "get me" and probably was verbally abusive. For a while I felt bad about how I mentally checked out of that relationship and gave up on it. Now I see it was an accumulation of all the crap. 3) Finally, I notice how much I missed my daughter when she was in Boston and how much she missed me. But also how...

The smallest things mean a lot to me.  It is not hard to make me happy.  People often think I'm just saying that because it's what folks say, but I mean it.  The same way small things can make me happy, they can make me upset.I have new dating pet peeves as a result.  #1  Do not disappoint me If you say you are going to do something do it.  It's pretty simple.  Words mean nothing without the action behind it!  Example of this.  If you say we are going on a date.  Have a plan.  Do not cancel over some bull either!  I will look at you like you're the bull you spoke. #2  Do not do things at the last minute This is connected to #1.  Canceling or changing plans at the last minute bothers me!  I understand when it's an emergency, but when you just bs'ing then you need to get the hell on! #3  Do not contact me everyday ...

Whoever is for you... won't leave you.  Understand the difference between God ordained relationships vs. seasonal acquaintances.  Don't confuse the two.

Recently Jada Pinkett Smith has been in the news for her comments on her marriage to Will Smith. She stated he could do whatever he wants and critics took it to mean they have a open marriage. She recently wrote something on her Facebook page explaining her comments. I feel it say SO much about real marriages and relationships. Open marriage? Let me first say this, there are far more important things to talk about in regards to what is happening in the world than whether I have an open marriage or not. I am addressing this issue because a very important subject has been born from discussions about my statement that may be worthy of addressing. The statement I made in regard to, "Will can do whatever he wants," has illuminated the need to discuss the relationship between trust and love and how they co-exist. Do we believe loving someone means owning them? Do we believe that ownership is the reason someone should "behave"? Do we believe that all the expecta...

Actions always speak louder than words Show me what I mean to you Show me how much you care Show me that I am special Show me that you want me Show me I am important to you Show me you want me in your life Show me I am appreciated Show me how much you want me Show me that I am loved by you

This is an age old question. We all love LOVE! Love of all forms. Parent, sibling, children, friends, and of course mate. Regardless of how times those people who love us disappoint, hurt, or even betray us we still love them in some way. Now we may chose to deal with them differently but we still love them. I was thinking about this whole loving Love thing and wondered what keeps people seeking it. Especially romantic love. For most people by a certain age in adulthood, they have been hurt by love. Yet, the average person still believe in and pursue it. But why? The wonderful feeling of being loved? The feeling giving love gives you? The feeling of being in loved? Or is it the combination of all the things that equal being in love? The companionship, warm feelings, happiness, and love all in one bucket? In all my years of relationships, successful and unsuccessful, I have never given up on love. I have heard friends of mine say they have, but still are open to it. Still willin...

In a relationship, what is the different between compromising and settling? This is a topic I have discussed many times with friends. It is interesting to hear people's opinions on it. I personally believe a person's opinion on this topic depends on where they are in life and romantic relationships. Webster Dictionary defines compromising as: to come come to agreement by mutual concession. Webster Dictionary defines settle as: to sink gradually. Another definition is to arrange in a desired position. To settle for means - to be content with. Compromising appears to be better than settling. Each party involved makes a concession of some type. Most relationships are this way. We give up something to be a part of them. We get a something though. I believe that this is normal. Compromising is something needed in most aspects of life, not just romantic relationships. Settling appears to be less than compromising. Settling is taking less than you want and not getting as muc...

I have been slacking badly on my writing. I have been busy between my new job, moving, personal life, friends visiting, attending a camp with our extended family, and restarting my job search (I know... I know...). I miss writing some. Sometimes I write on topics that I need to just get off my chest. Those are more like letters to the person that they never see. I also started a journal. I watched a sermon by Lisa Comes of Joel Osteen's ministries. The sermon was titled Developing A Strategic Vision For Your Life. She spoke about writing down your visions and making them plan. I have done this in several ways before. I have a sheet in my room that I write my large goals on. I also completed a Vision Board late last year in addition to filling out a workbook of things I want to achieve and work on this year. I felt what Lisa was talking about was different. It was not only my goals and desires, but things that backed them up. Like positive quotes and scriptures. I decided t...

It's Valentine's Day! Day for love! And I love love. I will admit I was not looking forward to today. I think the more I focus on preparing my life for my mate the more I anticipate him. The closer today became I got excited because I always give my daughter a gift. She loved it, fyi. The more I thought about love and being in love and all that. I realized that I have been blessed to experience so many types of love. Including romantic of many types as well as mother to daughter, daughter to mother, friendship, family, and friends who are like family. I know that I am blessed to have their love now and the many types of love that has gone. I thought about all the different romantic relationships I have been in and thought about the things I have learned from those situations. What I learned that I would like to continue to experience in my future relationship and what I learned I do not want to. I realize that even though I am single, I haev so much more knowledge as a re...

Father in the name of Jesus Christ, I come boldly before Your throne of grace confessing Your Word over my life as a single Christian. I pray that You would help me to live a Godly life as a single Christian - a life that is holy, sanctified and set aside for the Master's use, and prepared for Your good work. I confess Your word, that as a single Christian, my life is crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live; yet it's not I that live, but it's Christ that lives in and through me; and the life which I now live in the flesh as a single Christian, I live it by faith, power and strength of the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me. Father, You said that You would not leave us alone, but You promised to send us the Comforter. I pray therefore, that You would fellowship with me daily through the Comforter of the Holy Spirit. I pray that while I am single, may You be the One to whom I am married. Lord, when I get lonely, may You, through the Holy Spir...

Over the last two months so many parts of my life have been falling into place. I got a job offer the day I graduated with my Masters degree. I started the job at the beginning of the year. I moved last week into a new place. Both of them fulfilled many of my desires. God really does know and will provide us with the desires of our heart. The other day I sat back and thought about how I had been wanting a several things in a job and new place to rent. Realized that God provided me with almost all of them. I wanted to rent a place that allowed me to save to BUY a townhome next year. On top of several amenities I wanted and it being on my daughter's school bus route. Every single thing has a check next to it. The more things fall into place in certain areas the more the void in one area shows. I am starting to get lonely romantically. I know this sounds strange with so many great things happening. But sometimes not having that special person to share those things with sucks. I ha...

My favorite word is Agape. I have a deep obsession with A words. My daughter's name starts with it and I love words that start with As. Agape is a word that means so much but is so simple at the same time. I came across the word many many moons (nope you don't need to figure out how old I am!) ago in a bible. Once I learned the meaning I knew it was my word!   Agape   is the fourth word for love.    It is a love that loves without changing.    It is a self-giving love that gives without demanding or expecting re-payment.    It is love so great that it can be given to the unlovable or unappealing.    It is love that loves even when it is rejected.    Agape   love gives and loves because it wants to; it does not demand or expect anything from the love given.    It gives because it loves, it does not love in order to receive.    Technically,  A gape   can not be defined as “God’s love...

2012 was a major roller coaster ride for me, but is ending on a high note Thank God!  In January my mother was in a bad car accident, she blacked out while driving. I had a great '82 Baby (30th birthday) vacation with my friends from college. I dealt with various lows and struggles personally. I evolved in many ways. Carlton's death in July. I had a great solo vacation at the beach. Car issues. I completed my Master's degree and received a job offer from a Fortune 500 company!  As 2012 draws to a close, I created my vision board for 2013.  I normally just write my goals down at the beginning of the year. 6 months, 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years. This year I was invited to a Vision Board party and really enjoyed creating one. "A vision board is a simple yet powerful visualization tool that activates the universal law of attraction to begin manifesting your dreams into reality." I love this idea and will do it yearly. Yesterday I had my daughter and ...

God use me... Use this life you gave me... I do not know what the future holds for me... But I know that there is a vision for my life... That is greater than my imagination can hold! I thank you in advance!

I woke up this morning wrapping my head around the fact that I was going to walk across the stage later this evening to receive my Master's degree. As excited as I am to complete the course work for this degree a piece of me was sad. This month my friend and father of my child would of graduated with a MBA and JD. We talked about how we did not plan to walk at graduation and rather relax after our hard work. After his death in July, I decided I would walk in my graduation. Partly to honor him, but also for our child to see. A few days ago his mother received both of his degrees in the mail from his school. It was a very touching moment. To see his hard work to pay off. To see what he worked hard for right there, but he is not here. Why... we will never know. It is kinda like the hard work pushed him to a point where he felt he could not handle any more. Or maybe the thought of succeeding in the next step in life was overwhelming. Either way he chose to end his life. And I know th...

I have been told by all my exes but the latest (maybe he will say it one day too) that I am the one that got away. I am not sure what that truly means other than they didn't appreciate and cherish me when they had me. Hell I even have my high school boy friend... yes 12+ years ago love... asking for another chance. I noticed that as the months and years go by not only do I change but what I desire, accept, and dislike changes. So for most of my exes a second chance is not even an option. But recently I find myself wondering if a certain ex and I can have restored love. Due to events in both of our lives in the last year our friendship has grown lately (yup, I have no problem being friends with exes). The sad part about this thought process is what caused us to stop being together in the first place. I am not sure if that is something to look past. It was so long ago.  It does not hurt or anything when I think about it, but the stuff happened. Deception, lies, and so much more. ...

"Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve" - Single Ladies by Beyonce "Many days I've longed for... Wanting you... Hoping for the chance to get to know you... For your touch, your feel, your essence." - LOVE by Musiq

We all have had someone in our lives that makes our heart skip a beat... gives you butterflies... and makes you feel giddy like a kid again. I have someone in my life that does all of those. The issue is our lives. Between living in different states, jobs, family, and more we are limited in seeing each other in person much.  Since I am single (and he is too), I still date and get to know men. But can not lie... my heart wants to be with him. I am a big believer in God. I pray daily that he guides my steps and all my relationships. I pray for guidance in what to do as far as that connection. He could be the one. He could be in my life for a season to teach or show me something. Who knows! I'm just enjoying that giddy feeling when I see his name come across my phone and the joy in my heart when we speak.

I was looking for something in my email tonight and came across an old email I sent to myself. I am not sure if I used this in a blog or just emailed it to friends. Either way the words hit home for me again to day. Here's the email sent on 4/13/09 : I woke up Easter morning to the sound Joel Osteen's church service.  What he said really hit home for me, so I wanted to share with you! "  The only difference between being buried and being planted is the expectancy of what is going to happen next."      We all have situations we face that seem like they could bury us: the loss of a loved one, bad news concerning our health, a layoff, a divorce. The only difference between being buried and being planted is the expectancy of what is going to happen next. When something is buried, it's not coming back. But when something is planted, like a seed, it always comes back, producing more than what it originally was when it went into ground.   ...

Like Jay Z said "What the hell are you waiting for?" Over the last two weeks I have had several conversation with friends, male and female, about when they were (for some currently) dating someone who was not willing to commit... directly or indirectly. Committing meaning see each other exclusively and be boyfriend / girlfriend. Some of them realized this because the person gave them a BS excuse or avoided the conversation all together. While others told them that they were not ready to being exclusive or (my favorite) "I am not sure if we are there yet". Now I am the queen of not liking someone easily. I have had these conversations with guys after knowing them less than a week, on a second date, and after a few weeks. I am guilty of the BS excuses and saying that I or we were not ready for that. I can only think of one situation where I was seeing a guy for a month or more and I was not willing to commit to seeing only him. I was not willing to stop seeing oth...