Happiness & Love

One thing I know and understand is that no one is perfect. I have come to understand this mainly because of two things... being a parent and having been in love before. Being a parent has shown me how much my parents were simply human . They made mistakes, they attempted things that did not work, they tried to fix things that they could not, they lived life. I use to have parent issues. My father was not around after I was 3 or 4 due to his personal choice and battling drug & alcohol addiction. I learned as a teenager that part of the reason he stayed away was because my mother blocked his few attempts to contact us. Add to this that during my early teens my mother went through menopause. Hormones versus hormones caused our relationship to be rocky for many many years. Once I had my daughter my relationship with my mother improved and in 2006 I was reconnected to my father thanks to my cousins. Due to these changes I was able to face and fix the issues I had with my parents. ...

I came across the most amazing series of sermons on  Love, Sex, and Dating  yesterday. It really spoke to a few things I have had on my mind and heart lately. Even said  few statements I literally said recently.  It is a four part series and each part is about 45 mins or longer. I watched all of them yesterday plus another sermon by Andy Stanley. I will discuss the things that directly linked to my mindset lately. First was this quote / question:   Am I the person the person I am looking for is looking for?   This is deep but so simple at the same time. I found myself seeing that this was not the case with a guy I briefly dated two months ago. There were multiple things that were not "enough" for me. I realized that we were not a match and partly because he was not what I was looking for and he did not really have a specific thing he was looking for. I have discussed my self evolution on here before. I believe that those changes and the ones I am st...

How do you get out of a funk? I have various ways. The main one is writing, but sometimes I do not feel like putting the thoughts funk on a screen. I believe there is power in words. I often choose to not express the downside or bad moods unless I can put a positive spin into it. I think I will take a break from the city sometime in the next week or so. I love water, so I may drive to nearby lake to clear my head and emotions.

"I am someone who is looking for love. Real love... Ridiculous... inconvenient... consuming... 'can't live without each other'... love." One of my favorite quotes from one my favorite shows, Sex and the City.  Carries says it while explaining to The Russian why their relationship was not where she belonged. I have been feeling some type of way the last few days... It was a rough week in many ways. I decided to keep it low key for the Memorial Day holiday weekend. A little while ago  I had SATC on while working on a project for class. The American Girl in Paris Part 2 came on and Carrie said the above. It really hit home for me. That's me! Where I am at right now. After a failed marriage.... Relationship where I did not demand what I deserved.... A relationship that was comfortable but not real, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming love... And lots of dating... I know what I want (in general), but most importantly... I know what I do not want. And a...

One of my favorite songs is Donnell Jones' Where I Want To Be. It is partially because I have  had a huge crush on him. And because the song came out when I was a Senior in high school and the song described how I believed my boyfriend felt.  Often times in my adult life I listen to this song and relate to it as if I am the one singing it. Tonight is one of those nights. More so the chorus than the other parts. I miss being in relationship. I function better in relationships. I never have figured out why, but I do. I do not function well in chaos or dysfunction. At time dating can feel that way. I think the "stability" versus the "unsecured" environment. Hell I really do not know, but I do. Right now, I am struggling a bit with developing a relationship with someone when we do not live in the same state. Because of their current schedule our communications are limited. Both of these are things I am not use to dealing with. The distance is not as big of an ...

I had a conversation with some people at an event a few nights ago. I said something that I have said before, but this time worded it in a different way. It came out of a conversation where my new acquaintances realized I was divorced. The normal question followed... "Would you ever get married again?" I gave my normal PC answer which is "Yes, I believe in marriage and look forward to being married again." Surprisingly this comment was not followed by dumb comments or questions as usual. Sadly I normally get those type of responses from single or no where near married people. The follow up questions are normally "Wow I want to be married" or something random like that. This time the conversation led into why my marriage was not right for me and how I made a choice to be happy than to sit in unhappiness. The conversation participants were two males and another female. We shared our experiences on the topic of knowing when to end a relationship. That is wh...